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Just ate a stale fortune cookie and there wasn’t any paper inside, either. Guess I’ll just cancel that trip to Las Vegas, then.


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Ron Zook, come back! We didn’t meant to hurt you, baby. You just sometimes made us angry with you. We promise we won’t hurt you again if you’ll just come back to the Gators. We even took down the fireronzook.com domain. We still love you. We’ll be good this time. Promise!


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You’re doing that dance again, aren’t you Joseph Hebert?


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P.E. Teacher: “Nice try, Mr. Burris. Two laps is NOT a mile. Run two more laps, you idiot.”
Me, yelling over my shoulder: “Savant!”

Pretty girl: “Matt, look up, my face is up here when you’re talking to me. I swear, men are such idiots!”
Me: “Savant!”

Annoyed roommate: “You don’t mix up your colors and whites in the washer. Come on, Matt, you’re not an idiot.”
Me: “Sava … oh.”

FINALLY! Someone finally gets it. It gets real tiresome and frustrating always having to correct and finish people’s sentences.