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With all the moisture and heat and my hearing aids, I’ve had a build-up of wax in my ear that was difficult to remove. So I went in to the clinic and had them remove it and afterwards the elderly doc asked me, “Have you learned your lesson?” I was confused and was like, “Uhhh, don’t wear hearing aids?” He shook his head and smirking, said, “No, don’t go storing peanut butter in your ear!”

Oh, come on! What am I, five years old?


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A professional came out to look over the septic tank and it was a minor problem to fix. I asked him, after he was done with the job, if there are better septic tanks out there and he just shrugged and said, “A septic tank is a septic tank.” I disagreed with him and pointed out that some septic tank are crappier than others.

He didn’t even laugh. I guess he isn’t big on potty humor.


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Today’s trending topics on Facebook has to do with ass and Uranus. Must be a lot of guys using the site these days.


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When someone asks you about your view on lesbians, “usually in HD” is probably not the right answer to give.