Reports indicate that Matthew Burris, otherwise known as asshole by his ex-girlfriends, henceforth known as Mr. Burris, just turned 25 years old today. Mr. Burris, famous for running a bunch of websites, playing video games, and generally being an isolated geek amongst sheep and rednecks, was last seen entering a restaurant with a buxom blonde bombshell. When approached, we learned that the woman was hired and sent to Mr. Burris by Hugh Grant. When approached, Mr. Burris told us to speak with his lawyer. After 2 calls, his lawyer finally returned our message. He had this prepared statement to say:

“All rumors of Mr. Burris turning 25 is false. I repeat, they are false. This was started by a deranged fan, trying to get Mr. Burris to expose his breast to his fans. Mr. Burris feels the rumors spread in tabloids such as The Sun, and The National Enquirer, alongside the alien baby born from a cow, are misleading, as well as defamatory. So please, let’s keep this in perspective and respect Mr. Burris wishes. Thank you for your time.”

You’re my boy, Blue!

[Listening to: Felix Da Housecat – Control Freaq (5:12)]

5 Responses to “YOU’RE MY BOY, BLUE!”

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  1. I knew there was something important about today . . . oh yeah, that’s right, gotta get milk at the store.

    Happy Birthday MATT!!!!

  2. Brian3DGPU

    To a true friend, and an up and coming old fart…Happy Birthday! And to think, if the average age of the american male is 75, a third of your life is already over!

    Seriously..have a great one kemosabe!

  3. Happy Birthday, Matt. If you think 25 is old, just wait til you hit 30! ;)

  4. Happy birthday, Matt! Geez, you’re getting old! (…said the man whose 24th is fast approaching)

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