Sexy Older Woman

Maxim Online has an article about how to find an older woman and please her (if you’re a young guy that is.) I do agree with the article about the benefits, I have some experience with older women, but it’s written to make it seem like an elaborate game to just dump hormones, not something that can be meaningful. Or maybe that’s the way it is, and I’m just being young, dumb, and full of… err, anyways, read it, it’s interesting.

Update: Since the article is no longer at Maxim and I can’t find it elsewhere on the net, I’ve had to use the Internet Archives to dig it up. The article is written by Rosie Amodio for Maxim Online. I copied the article and you can read it below.

Younger guys and older women: Why should Ashton and Justin have all the fun? Rosie Amodio explains the benefits of Mrs. Robinsons…and how to score one.

Maxim, June 2004

By Rosie Amodio

Like lots of girls my age, I’ve had a stud puppy. I was 26, he was 21. He’d been on some reality TV show, but mostly I dated him because he was young. I was tired of waffling late-20s commitmentphobes and wanted a fun, no-strings-attached fling. Who better than a hot guy I could brag about to my friends? Best of all, you don’t even have to be hot: Since we’d never introduce a boy toy to our friends anyway, your looks are irrelevant. Matter of fact, you’ll be Brad Pitt’s body double in the stories we tell.

Why have a fling with a woman who’s, say, five to 10 years your senior? For one, we’re usually further along in our careers, so we can pay for dates and impulsively spring for a weekend in Vegas. Ka-ching! But the real incentive is you can safely dispense with all the left-brain romancing that goes into trying to bed a chick your age. There’s no “Where are we?” Just “Where are you? Let’s do it!” Ready to join the club? Here’s the four-point plan.

The pickup: Look where young girls fear to tread.
Where do you find an older gal on the prowl? Look carefully—we make extra efforts to avoid the competition. Look for us at office parties (we’ll crash our friends’), concerts (pick a girl-friendly band from five to 10 years ago), or late-night at bars (we don’t have to run home to anyone). Or try volunteering for once: The gal you’re looking for is ready to give back to society…and to you, maybe.

Once you’re in our habitat, watch us for signs of interest. While younger girls unconsciously shake their asses to Beyoncé while ordering a drink, older women are completely aware of what signals our body language is sending. Is she making eye contact for three seconds or more? Is she brushing your arm while reaching for a napkin? Are her arms uncrossed, toes pointed in your direction? Sticking her tongue down your throat? We know when we’re sending flirting signs, so if you see one, make your move.

But here’s the key: Once you have our attention, don’t pretend you think we’re 18. Make our age a plus by using flattering words like “sophisticated,” “elegant,” and “self-assured” to describe us. “A guy I dated picked me up in the cheesiest way. He said he’d been watching me all night but was intimidated because I seemed worldly and stylish,” says Luanne, 31. “Normally, I’d laugh in a guy’s face for that, but since he seemed nervous and sweet, I didn’t care that it was a canned line. He followed up with some random story he’d read in the paper. The easygoing conversation—instead of small talk—reeled me in.”

Proof it works: “An older woman doesn’t expect you to be smooth as long as you’re being respectful,” says Jim, 27, who’s made it work. “What you’re going for is immediately understood: She knows it’s a game.”

The wooing: Show a little class.
If you want to turn the corner with this girl…uh, woman…act like a gentleman. We’ve had a lot of dates to compare you to, so don’t skimp on the basics like paying for her dinner and calling when you say you will. Don’t worry that you’re leading us on: We’re sick of mind trips and will find your dependability sexy, not desperate. We’ll love a bunch of tulips without worrying that you’re too into us or wondering why they aren’t roses—none of that overanalytic female brain activity younger girls can’t turn off.

But being chivalrous doesn’t mean being boring. We’re burned out on cautious, see-how-it-goes first dates, and we’re fed up with same-old, same-old corporate get-to-know-you talk. “I dated this 25-year-old who was such a party boy,” says Jane, 35. “We’d go see a band at a local club and stay out all night drinking during the week! I knew I couldn’t keep it up indefinitely, but I also knew it wasn’t forever.” The number one way to win us over: Show us a damn good time.

So be polite…and witty and fun. Age makes us women less uptight about sexuality, so you can be your off-color self. Tell the weird jokes, talk about the Paris Hilton video, even tease her about the age difference. (“So, are you my Demi?”) Don’t be afraid to match our dirty double entendres, and feel free to steer a seemingly tame conversation about kitchenware into sexy banter on aphrodisiacs.

Proof it works: “Sure, when I dated a 30-year-old, I tried to act more sophisticated. I dressed well, held doors, bought her flowers, wore cologne,” says Benjamin, 23. “I’m sure I was nothing like the rich bankers she dated, but my efforts were genuine, so it really helped me impress her.”

The shag: Hand her the reins.
You got her all the way to the bedroom door? You’re in for a nice surprise. More-mature gals are comfortable talking about sex, and we’re also comfortable having it. We lead, you don’t have to worry whether or not we’re having a good time, and everybody’s happy. “The first time Billy and I had sex, I was the boss,” says Jane, 29. “He asked me what I liked and how I liked it. It wasn’t dominatrixlike; I was just taking care of him.”

Yes, older women are going to demand more foreplay, because we know what it takes to turn us on. But a payoff is that we’ll demand crazier sex too—taking you to those porn star places you never knew existed. “Once we went out, flirted all night, and didn’t even make it back to my place,” says Karina, 36. “We were walking upstairs when I grabbed Dave, knelt down, and went to work.” And you’ll get more “foreplay,” too: a.k.a. more head than you know what to do with. We’ve shaken off our hang-ups about going down, and revel in the fact that we have the power to bring you to your knees just by getting on our knees. Whatever it is we do in bed, if it was the best ever…and it probably was…for God’s sake, tell us. It’ll just make us want you even more.

Proof it works: “My fling was a crazy lady, I guess from experience. She’s riding me, buck wild, when she stops cold, stares into my eyes, smiles slyly, dismounts, and starts giving me head,” says Alex, 27. “I almost died.”

The adios: Be a man about good-bye.
Who knows, maybe you could get used to the expenses-paid weekend getaways and killer sex. Yep, she might be the one. But if not, she’ll appreciate your not wasting her 30s by lingering after the lust is gone. “It’s a mental rush to date some 23-year-old guy, but it’s weird if it goes on for too long,” says Jenny, 36. “You realize you’re not doing the things normal couples do, like meeting each other’s friends or going to movies on Saturday afternoons. It’s fun, but you start thinking, Should I be trying to get into a real relationship?”

When do you say good-bye to your good-time girl? When you start experiencing the downs of a relationship (going to boring functions, shopping for duvets, fighting) without the ups (having fun hanging out together with your clothes on). When it’s time, let us down with class and honesty. Tell us you think we’re amazing but we’re in different places. That way we won’t feel old and used…just old and ready for real commitment. Trust us: If you break things off with style, you’ll keep the memories of a bonk-filled good time for years to come. And maybe, just maybe, we’ll keep your number on speed dial in case we need a booty call from a hot, young stud.

Proof it works: “There comes a point when you can’t keep up with their lifestyle,” says Jason, 25. “In my case, it was time to call it quits when she made it clear she realized we had no future but started talking about wanting to have kids and stuff. A couple of days later, I told her, ‘You’re amazing, and this has been a blast, but I don’t think I can give you the lifestyle you deserve.’”
But thanks for the shag, lady.

How to Spot the Prowler

Find the ones who want you to be their trophy boy.

HAIR-SKIRT CLASH
Her hair is professional-looking, but the skirt is way too short for corporate America? She went home to change so that young bucks like you wouldn’t mistake her for a grownup.

CONVERSATION STARTER
Self-respecting adults don’t wear HELLO KITTY or U-PUMP-IT ringer tees out of nostalgia. She wore this hoping you’d take the bait and use it for a pickup line.

SLEEPOVER SAVVY
Sensible shoes and a large bag (enough room for spare undies and a toothbrush)? She’s prepared to stay out all night if necessary.

THE UNDERS
Catch a triangle of thong, a peek of garter, or another hint of something provocative underneath? She got dressed today thinking about undressing tonight.

MADE FOR WALKING
A walker may be a step too far. Unless you’re actually turned on by the smell of Preparation H, make sure you’re in the will before you bag the hag.
—Todd Detwiler