My Family Wants Me Dead

I’ve come to realize that many times someone in my family has nearly killed me. I’ve had numerous brushes with Death. The Grim Reaper and I are on a first-name basis. Here are the list of things that nearly killed me in chronological order:

  • <5 years old – Mom sets me down next to the stove to get something out of the pantry, and I put my hands on the one burner that was on high.
  • <5 years old – Uncle swings me around, loses his grip, and my head goes through the wall.
  • <5 years old – Dad’s friend tosses me into a pool thinking I can swim. Dad and said friend had to dive in to keep me from drowning.
  • <5 years old – Trying to jump on my dad’s waterbed makes me lose my balance and land on the wooden edge, cracking my skull in half. Took numerous stitches to keep my brain from spilling out.
  • 12 years old – Drunk stepfather dangles me over the balcony of the 2nd story apartments, holding me with one hand on my ankle, as a joke.
  • 17 years old – Dad gets drunk and passes out. All 4 burners on the stove were on high which sets the kitchen on fire, and the smoke detector doesn’t work. Setting my alarm to go off at 4 in the morning to play Quake 1 on the computer saved us.

One Response to “My Family Wants Me Dead”

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  1. Anonymous

    Another reason not to drink, Guess that is why you are matt the cat 9 lives. luv mum.

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