Beginning-Life Crisis

People talk about mid-life crisis often, but you don’t hear anything about a beginning-life crisis. Us young ones do break down too, you know? I feel like I’m in the midst of such a crisis. On top of discovering that my father has throat cancer, I’m finding a myriad of other things developing with me. Namely:

  • Short temper
  • Lost passion in hobbies such as cooking and web design
  • Hiding in video games and movies
  • Day long depression

I’m not sure which of the above is due to discovering my father has cancer, but I’m sure some of it is a result. To add to the list, I get news tonight from my aunt about certain lifestyle choices my mother has made that will hurt her, and may even kill her. I won’t get into details, but I’m overwrought with disappointment and anger. What makes all this difficult is that I’m an easy-going level-headed kind of guy, I rarely lose my temper, but lately it seems all my emotions are beyond my control, and I really hate that.

16 Responses to “Beginning-Life Crisis”

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  1. Cindy

    Matt,

    Everything you posted is not only normal, but to be expected. Life is a series of ups and downs, and unfortunately, this is a down. You’re getting hit from a lot of directions, and even the things that used to bring you the most enjoyment have lost their thrill. You wonder why, yet, the answer is in your explanation of the question.

    You are amazingly strong willed, and determined. You will figure out a way to deal with all of this. I know you, pretty well I’d like to think. You will channel your emotions into something positive soon. You’ll discover something new to be passionate about. You will find that although the bottom seems to keep falling out from beneath you, if you reach a little further, you’ll find the security that you’re seeking.

    Give yourself a chance to absorb all this information that you’re receiving lately. Analyze what needs to be analyzed. And leave alone what needs to be left alone. Take what you need to from it, and apply this experience into something amazing and awesome.

    I’m so sorry that you are going through all of this. I’m always here for you, when ever you need me. Please remember that. And remember this too – Your Mom, your Dad, the stuff that’s going on – none of that is under your control. No matter what happens, just remember that you love them and that will never change.

  2. mum

    dearest matt, my goal is still the same i have gained weight and have not changed my strong faith and desire to be better. my love for you is very strong and if i have hurt you im sorry. love has a driving force in life. i have tryed to think i could live without him. us hitting the bottom makes someone realize important things in life. like a look ahug a kiss can mean. i give you my word i will never be sick again. as soon as i know you can understand this, i need to feel your arms about me. my leg is messed up i cannot work but he is taking care of me. and i will have it fixed soon. i love you son and i pray for your dad, he is everything you say he is. love hugs and kisses please forgive me. love mom,mum aunt deborah.

  3. Adam

    I hope you’re doing ok Matt. I know the video games and movies are addictive. You’re going through a rough time right now. Don’t ever give up dude. I swear you sound like you’re going through what I just got through. Hang in there. Keep an eye toward the real world and realize that there’s people that care about you and love to be around you. Hang in there Matt.

  4. Bernardo

    Matt…… hang in there bud, there’s tons of people that care about you. Don’t let anything get you down. We’re always here and at 3dgpu if you need to talk about anything.

  5. BULL

    Hey guy, ‘sorry to hear about your father. My wife and I are just getting over her having a round of cancer and I can fully appreciate your thoughts.

    For us it was best dealt with by taking one step or thing at a time. To try to deal with it or to contemplate it all was just to much.

    We’re still kicking around over there at that “other” spot, come on over, get some love…

    :)

  6. Steve (aka Master Wolfe)

    Hey Matt, been wondering where and how you’ve been. Sorry to hear about your Dad, and I understand that things seem insurmountable right now. Just hang in there, don’t ‘think’ about things too much, cause it will get better.
    If there is anything I or the rest of the gang can do, just let us know, and I am certain we will do whatever we can. Chin up, buddy!

  7. Gibby

    I know ive not realy been around much (on 3dgpu).. so i didnt realy notice that you went around much till i looked.

    You have been through alot, i remeber the tornado/hurricane thing now this, im sorry for you and i hope that things can some how pick up.

    remeber tho mate, you have alot of friend’s.. on here and in 3dgpu, site’s that you have put alot of work and effort into and that we all enjoy watching progress :).

    My grandfather reacently passed away with cancer.. it can be hard, but as Wolfy said its best not to think about things to much. It can become over whelming n stuff but in the end things allways happen and the best you can do is to work your way past such obstical’s and think about happy time’s.

    All the best mate, i hope there is stuff thay can do for your father… good luck pulling though this hard time.

  8. CraigV

    Matt,

    If things look that bleak, you need some self imposed intervention, and not the kind you can get here. I too wish you well, but I also know from experience that you need to be seeking one-on-one face-to-face help from friends & maybe a professional. I have been taking anti-depressants for years now, and they have taken me from the state you’re in to being much happier, less depressed & angry. Go get yourself some help man, nothing wrong or shameful about it. Hang in there buddy.

    Craig

  9. Swarfy

    Matt,

    I went through the same thing. My grandma has had cancer three times in my 17 years. Things do get better. There is nothing wrong with being depressed. Although me (being Bi-Polar) I have found it easier to write out my thoughts, or talk to someone. You will get through this.

    And going out and walking to think does wonders too. The fresh air helps you clear your mind, and get out of the house. From personal expirence, sitting around and playing video games and watching movies all day doesn’t help the depression.

    I wish you luck, And i’m very sorry to hear about your dad. I hope he get’s through it.

    Tia

  10. rotulos1

    Hang in there buddy, God and all of us at 3DGPU are still by your side. There is no shame in asking for help.

  11. Jack

    Dammit, Matt!

    The kid gloves are off. Get your arse out of the house and do something that makes you happy, something that defines Matt Burris.

    Look, I’m in the same boat and have been for years. But I go to jam night every Thursday night and play the blues and the women. I know there isn’t much to do there so you’re welcome to be my guest tomorrow night. Drop me a line. We’ll be going here: http://alleyblooz.info/default.php

    Don’t make me come up there, old friend…

  12. Bludshot

    Matt,

    Wow. You have described many of the things I’ve fallen into since I separated from my wife. I’m still trying to climb completely out of the funk, but I’ve come quite a ways from the bottom.

    I agree with Jack that you need to get out and do something that defines Matt Burris. It also needs to have some face to face component. Re-engage with life and the people who lift you up. Be very careful of those things that seem to help, but leave you deeper in the hole.

    Get physical. Work out, go running, biking, play hockey, play music, whatever. The boost to your body will also help with your spirits.

    You also have to deal with the stuff that’s bringing you down, but don’t let it define you. You are much more. Life is much more.

    Get out of the hole. Depression is contagious, but so is happiness. Go out and catch it from someone.

    -Bludshot (Tim)

  13. Thank you very much, to all of you, for the massive amount of support you’re all giving me. I really do appreciate it. Although it won’t be easy, I’ve been through enough in my life to know that what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger. I’ll definitely get through all of this, it’s just a matter of time and attitude.

    Sorry about not being around 3DGPU much. I imagine this is just a stage I’m in, and I’ll get past it, and I’ll be back with my usual gaming+hardware passion.

  14. apaliwal

    Hey Matt,

    Hope you are getting better, life is full of ups and downs my man and you comment “what doesn’t kill me, makes me stronger” is a great attitude to have. you need to continue what you love doing, dont discard things you love, just allocate your time.

  15. Hang in there, Matt. You’re going through the ringer right now, and that affects a person. I can tell you what worked for me, but each person is different, so I’ll save my advice. Instead, I’ll fall back on what it was like with a newborn. Up and down all night, baby crying for no apparent reason, pressures of all sorts – hated my job, financial pressures, expectations from everybody, and a little princess that wouldn’t sleep and wouldn’t stop crying. It got to the place where I was trying to get through the next night, the next hour, the next feeding, the next minute.

    It took the longest time, but we all survived, and eventually she started to sleep more, and was finally sleeping through the night. Life slowly returned to normal, and gradually got “good”.

    Things will get better, passions will resume. Sometimes, getting through the dark places is as simple as putting one foot in front of the other, trusting that tomorrow might be better.

    As you say, what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger, and you will have better days. Let’s pray that they come sooner than you might think.

    Regards,

    Johne

  16. I need to to thank you for this great read!! I definitely enjoyed every little bit of it.
    I have you book-marked to look at new stuff you post…

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