When I’m in a bad mood, I tend to read news headlines, and then I think up sarcastic responses to those headlines without actually reading the articles. I’m not sure why I do this, really. Although I do have to admit I use sarcasm as a defense mechanism and for humor, which can lead to both good and bad results.

Here’s some examples of headlines and my responses, taken from digg.com:

• One Day War in Iraq Would Feed 20,000,000 Children for One Year – Liberals that whine about war donating $1 just once would feed 100,000,000 children for one year.
• Cannabis extract shrinks brain tumours – Shrinks the brain, too!
• High school student builds fusion reactor – Threatens parents with a mini-nuclear explosion the next time they ground him.
• Teen killed after affair with teacher; husband charged – Lesson: Older women are deadly lovers.
• Cats tongue up close – Because a close-up shot of the pussy’s lips is all that matters in life.