To Be Blind, Or Not To Be

A month ago, I noticed a serious degradation in my vision.  While in the bathroom one day, I closed my right eye and and nearly panicked.  I could barely see out of my left eye;  everything was very blurry, and I couldn’t see any details.  My right eye, while also sporting bad eyesight, was the only thing that was keeping me from being able to read.

At first I thought it was an infection, but after a week it didn’t go away.  Our eyes are amazing healers, and can heal very fast.  So I decided to go to an ophthalmologist and find out what was going on.  As it turned out, there is heavy scarring on my eyes, more so on my left eye.  The scarring were caused by a bunch of tiny blood vessels forming on the back of my cornea, blocking my vision.  The ophthalmologist couldn’t even get a reading on my vision because of this.

He mentioned that if left unchecked, I could go blind.  I was given steroid-infused eye drops to take for a week and then come back.  After a week, the blurriness went away and my vision improved considerably.  I was quite relieved.  He recommended eventually to have laser surgery to remove the blood vessels at the base, then a cornea transplant, which he said my eye will at first reject.  Once it did, then I would get another cornea transplant.  He felt this would be a suitable long-term plan for my eyesight.

Meanwhile I’m still taking the eye drops for a month to keep the inflammation at bay.  However I find myself lying awake at night wondering if I was going to eventually end up blind, and if so, how I would handle it.  What would my life be like?  Would I handle it admirably, or would I fall into a dark hole I’ll never get out of?

I’m a creature of my senses, they are the only things that make sense to me in life, and the only things I fully trust.  I just can’t imagine one being taken from me without feeling a deep despair.

3 Responses to “To Be Blind, Or Not To Be”

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  1. Words fail me Matt, I just hope that everything works out OK.

  2. Cindy

    Geez, I was just saying in an email I sent that I was beginning to get worried not seeing you update here in a while. I’m sorry to hear that this is the reason why.

    I know that this is a tough thing to go through. I can’t imagine how scary it must be to know the possibility of losing your sight! I know that you will follow the doctor’s orders and do as they recommend. Please keep me posted on how this process goes.

    As always you’re in my thoughts and heart. If there’s anything you need, please let me know. I’m always hear for you. Just say the word.

    Until then, remember: Everything happens for a reason. Although we may not understand and/or accept the reasons behind the circumstances that we encounter, eventually the reasons are revealed to us, and we are always stronger because of it.

    I love you always, please let me know if there’s anything you need.

  3. Melanie

    Man… sorry I haven’t been here in a while.

    Have you started wearing glasses? Is this the first noticeable change in vision that you’ve had?

    I wouldn’t let it go, darlin’. I don’t have the worst lens prescription in the world and laser surgery is still an eventual goal for me, if just to stop further damage to my vision. You have an even more acute issue in front of you, and I would start looking into what it might take to pay for a surgery like this. If you look now before things get absolutely critical, you might be able to find some sort of reduction or at least some assistance with cost (although I don’t know if you have any kind of insurance or something that would be of help). Before you start getting serious about doing anything like this, though.. I would check on both blood pressure and get your average and fasting blood glucose levels confirmed. My fiance’ was diagnosed as hypertensive and hypoglycemic (type II diabetic) this year, and both conditions can go unnoticed for a long time while affecting a lot of body functions. Basically, problems in either of these areas might make it more difficult to heal from any kind of surgery or procedure, and could speed along any damage that would make surgery necessary.

    email me sometime?

    take care honey*


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