Clearing Your Throat for Attention

Comedy

I gave up on clearing my throat to get the attention of others who are preoccupied. It has lost its effectiveness in these modern times, so as a course of action, I’ve evolved and developed a new method of getting attention.

I now make retching noises. This has a highly effective 100% success rate. No longer do you have to clear your throat multiple times to get the attention you deserve. My retching noise method is guaranteed to work, every single time.

As an added bonus, it will get the attention of multiple people if there are more than one person in the room with you. So if you have something really important to say, my method works wonders. Practice isn’t even necessary, a beginner will also attain a 100% success rate.

I highly recommend you try this method at your next family gathering or company event, and be amazed at how superior it is over the old throat clearing method.

Note: Disregard the look of sheer horror generated by this method, it is a necessary side-effect for achieving your goal — getting attention.


Misleading Game Demos

I’m one of those gamers who has the severe stuttering problem with Dark Messiah. It’s been a week and a patch still hasn’t come out. This stuttering situation is the same problem that occurred in Half-Life 2, and was a problem for me in The Ship and the first SiN Episodes game. Other games using the Source engine has given the stuttering problem to other gamers. Which is why I am not confident it will get fixed by Arkane or any other developer who likely realized that sales of their games will be hurt by this stuttering problem inherent with the Source engine powered games.

With a non-existent refund policy on Steam, it’s “shame on me” for purchasing The Ship and SiN Episodes without trying them out. My mistake? Wanting to support the developers. However, when I can’t enjoy those games, it makes it a moot point when supporting the developers, because I had basically donated the money to them, which isn’t what I wanted.

So what is a gamer to do? Piracy is certainly not an option, that’s a road of ingratitude I don’t want to traverse, so I figure I only buy games in which I played the demo and enjoyed it. Then I can dip into my pockets, and fork over my hard-earned money to the developers to support them, and also enjoy their game.

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Console Gamers are not Hardcore Gamers

As I’m reading the latest issue of Electronic Gaming Monthly talking about Gears of War, I saw the words “hardcore gamers” in a sentence.  I scoffed at the notion of console gamers as hardcore gamers.  There’s nothing hardcore about console games and the gamers that play them, with maybe a very slight exception to fighting games, but I’ll get to that.

You see, there’s a reason there’s a very, very forgiving damage model in most action-packed console games.  It’s the limited control scheme that a gamepad gives you.  The gamepad are great for platformers like Super Mario 64 and Ratchet & Clank.

Here’s a case in point:  My sister’s boyfriend has been playing Call of Duty 2 for months on his Xbox 360 and has beaten it three times.  I watched as he took direct hits of 2 grenades and an ungodly amount of bullets, yet he still trekked on, oblivious to all the damage done to his on-screen persona.  I was amazed, becaused Call of Duty 2 on my computer was a lot less forgiving (not to mention I play on the hardest difficulty.)

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Florida Gators get Bad Calls

I’m not one to really mull over bad calls in a sports game, but when it affects such a stellar performance by a freshman, and nearly costs the team the game, it has me really annoyed.

Here’s a video of the bad calls that was the reason why the game between the Florida Gators versus the Tennessee Volunteers has the Gators on top 21-20.  The Vols should send a thank-you note to the referees for keeping them in the game to the very end, or at least ask them where they were when they almost lost to Air Force.

SEC officiating wasn’t just horrible in this game, but also in the LSU vs. Auburn game, where LSU ended up getting the short end of the stick.

I firmly believe that the new rule changes to the time for NCAA football games has the referees making bad calls (or not making any at all where there should’ve been one) because of these rule changes.  They are pressured to save time in a football game, all so more TV commercials can be displayed.